The Psychology of Spending: Why You Buy What You Buy (and When to Change It)
Have you ever found yourself buying something you didn’t really need, only to later wonder, Why did I do that? Maybe it was the pair of shoes that felt like a reward after a hard week, the fancy skincare because your skin "really, really needed it," or that last-minute Target haul that magically added up to $100. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The way we spend money is rarely just about logic—it’s about emotion, habits, and deep-seated beliefs formed over years.
Understanding why we spend the way we do isn’t about judgment—it’s about awareness. And for women, there’s an extra layer of societal influence, financial myths, and even guilt that can shape our relationship with money. So let’s break it down: Why do we spend the way we do, and how can we make sure our money spending aligns with what truly matters to us?
Awareness
The Emotional Triggers Behind Spending
The Influence of Childhood & Money Stories
Our upbringing shapes how we view and use money. If you grew up in a home where money was tight, you might have a scarcity mindset, feeling the need to hoard money or fear spending. On the other hand, if spending was seen as a way to show love or status, you might associate purchases with validation. Recognizing these patterns helps us break free from automatic behaviors and make intentional choices.
Step 1 👉 Ask yourself: What’s one financial belief from my childhood that no longer serves me?
Step 2 👉 Once identified, change it: write it down and challenge it with a healthier mindset. For example: "I need a fancy car or clothes so that others admire and respect me", can be changed to "true admiration and respect comes from the kindness I show, not material things".
Spending as a Coping Mechanism
We often hear about emotional eating, but emotional spending is just as real. Stress, sadness, anxiety, boredom—these can all push us toward shopping as a way to self-soothe. The temporary rush of excitement from a purchase can mask underlying emotions, but the feeling fades, often leaving regret in its place. If that happens, don't beat yourself over it!
Step 1 👉 Raise awareness by asking: What was I feeling before I bought this? What need was I trying to fill?
Step 2 👉 Find new solutions: What other ways can I meet this need? Could a walk, a journal session, calling a friend, or working on the issue with the right professional (like a coach or therapist) provide the same relief without spending unnecessary money?
For example: imagine buying many high-heeled shoes, only to realize you wear them just 5% of the time. Maybe what you truly miss is the sense of independence and elegance you had before having kids. Instead of accumulating shoes that rarely leave the closet, consider scheduling a girls' night every other week. Engaging in conversations, laughter, and shared experiences can do far more to bring back that feeling than any pair of heels ever could.
The Myth of the Shopaholic Woman
Society loves the stereotype that women are reckless spenders, obsessed with shopping sprees and emotional purchases. But studies show that men and women spend differently, not necessarily more or less. While men may spend more on tech, cars, or experiences, women often spend on household needs, gifts, and personal care. The real issue isn’t gender—it’s whether our spending aligns with our values and goals. So, how do we challenge this myth?
Step 1 👉 Ask yourself: Am I spending based on societal expectations or my own needs? Am I prioritizing purchases that align with what truly brings me happiness, or am I following trends and external pressure?
Step 2 👉 If your answer leans toward societal expectations and trends, it’s time to reassess those habits. Ask yourself: What truly brings me joy? If your spending isn’t aligned with that, start making small changes to prioritize what genuinely fulfills you, regardless of external expectations.
Take Action
How to Shift Your Spending Mindset
Observe Without Judgment
Instead of feeling guilty about past spending choices, start by tracking them. Remember, we’re not judging. We want to understand so we can decide what to keep and what to change.
Action 1️⃣ - Look at your recent purchases and ask yourself: What was I feeling when I made this choice? Was it aligned with what truly matters to me?
Action 2️⃣ - Awareness exercise: Write down your purchases for a week (or a month) and categorize them. Label them as "Needs," "Nice to Have," or "Probably Unnecessary." Highlight purchases you regret and those you don’t. This will give you clarity on your spending patterns and which areas need your attention.
Define Your Spending Priorities
What do you truly value? More freedom? Security? Travel? Investing in experiences? Living the city life? Enjoying nature? When you have a clear vision of what you want your money to do for you, it becomes easier to filter out impulse buys that don’t serve those goals.
Action 3️⃣ - Once you have your spending categories laid out, look for patterns over a month: are you overspending on beauty products in an attempt to change your appearance when self-acceptance might be the real issue? Are you buying tons of kitchen gadgets but never actually cooking? Identifying these trends can help redirect your spending toward what truly benefits you in the long term.
And this applies to big purchases too, not just small ones. Maybe you bought a fancy car, but it’s a hassle with kids, or it struggles on rough roads even though you love nature. Or perhaps you invested in a big house, only to realize you spend more time maintaining it than enjoying it. If you prefer traveling or being outdoors, downsizing might serve you better than maintaining an oversized home you rarely use. These purchases happen less often but we need to use the same approach with them!
Create Small Interruptions Before Spending
Now that you have the awareness, and you’re taking action, if you find yourself making emotional purchases, try adding a pause.
Action 4️⃣ - Before you buy something, pause and ask: Do I truly want this, or am I reacting to an emotion?
Action 5️⃣ - If you still think you need to buy it, do the "shopping check-in" by asking yourself: How will this purchase impact my life a month from now? If you can’t see a lasting benefit, reconsider the buy.
⭐ ️Pro-tip: adding a 24-hour rule—waiting a day before purchasing—can help you regain control over impulse spending and provides the time to ask yourself all the necessary questions.
My final thoughts for you:
Spending isn’t just about money—it’s about emotions, past experiences, and mindset.
The key isn’t to judge yourself for past or current choices but to become more aware of why you make them. Once you understand your triggers, you can start making choices that align with your values and long-term goals.
So, the next time you feel the urge to spend, take a moment. Pause. Reflect. And ask yourself: Is this purchase moving me toward the life I truly want? Then, take action: Track, categorize, analyze, and look for patterns on your spending, and make adjustments that align with your goals. Your future self will thank you!
Was this useful for you? Or maybe you just confirmed that you're doing a great job with your spending. In any case, let’s continue the conversation! You can find me on Instagram as @martafores_coach for more tips on financial clarity and mindset shifts. And if this post resonated with you, subscribe below ⤵️ for more insights on money, mindset, and much more!
If you have any questions or would like to share your thoughts on this post, feel free to contact me at coach@martafores.com.
